SUFFER- CAPTAINSWAN
by KingSloan
Summary: Emma Swan has just started at Storybrooke University and is dreading sharing a room with a random stranger. That is until she meets her mysterious roommate who calls himself 'Hook'
1. Storybrooke

My name' is Emma Swan

For the first nineteen years of my life

Nothing happened 

Nothing at all

Not ever...

Then i went to Storybrooke University, a place for the ordinary people of the world...like moi. I say ordinary. I'm not exactly bright but give me a broken gadget and I'll be able to fix it fairly easily. I wasn't too bad at Chemistry either, it was always Physics where my issues sourced from. I wanted to do something with my life, admittedly I wasn't leaping with joy towards the thought of helping people because...no. I was more excited for the fact that i get money, money which would be spent wisely on things such as eyeshadow palettes, shoes and clothes. Lots of clothes. I didn't plan on making friends because I wanted to keep myself to myself. Making friends meant that I would have to let them in. Hence why I wasn't looking forward to sharing a dorm with someone. Probably someone lazy and messy. I dread to think what will be revealed when i open the door. Probably a bomb site, covered in dirty plates or even worse- 

"Hello" 

A skinny guy in a suit with great hair. Seriously. Really great 

"You must be my new roommate?" 

Wow, he's English. He sounds smart. He looks smart. I bet he's in law with some fancy name like Oliver, Alexander or Christian. 

"I'm Hook"

Or you know, he's a total dumbass. 

"That's not a name, it's an object"

He glanced at me. Clearly impressed that the first dialogue i ever said to him was sassy. He tilted his head and smirked. 

"Well, I'm majoring in Science so technically I'll be working with Hooks"

"That's still not a name. Your birth certificate doesn't say Hook"

He laughed at me before smiling. 

"Quite right too. I'm Killian, but most people call me Hook." 

Killian. Not exactly Sir Killian or you know Sebastian, but i could live with Hoo-Killian". 

"I'm Emma. Emma Swan"

He grabbed my bags and brought them to my side of the room. Clearly he was a reader, judging by all the books he had. Seems he had a thing for chemistry too, good he can be my study buddy. 

"Nice to meet you...Swan" 

I smiled before unzipping my bags. Clothes, books and my toiletries bag. Which had to be kept away from Hook. Part of me thought he could help seen as he was studying medicine but I decided to go against it. 

"So! Swan. What's your story?"

My story? Jeez. That's a fun place to begin with. Hmm, lets tell your new roommate who you're stuck with for 3 years your life story. That will go down a treat.

"My-My story?" 

"Yes. Tell me about yourself"

I thought carefully before deciding to just tell him a couple of white lies. Maybe if this went well and we actually became friends then he might forgive me one day. 

"Well I'm nineteen. It's my birthday next month and I'm somewhat of a computer genius"

"Somewhat?"

"Well I couldn't fix the motherboard of your device but i could tell you why it's broke and pretty much fix most things but internal damage? That's when i step away"

"Oh so you're a geek?"

"No! Well maybe... Is that an issue?"

He seemed taken back a bit. He scratched the back of his neck before thinking of his next move.

"No, no issues here. I actually quite like geeks. In fact I'm the king of geeks"

I laugh at him

"I thought you were Hook?"

He blushes slightly and seems baffled.

"Well i er, yes. I'm Hook or Killian. Whatever you want to call me. Or not. In fact. I'm just going to stop. Soo what do you major in?"

"Well I'm doing a joint degree. Psychology and Chemistry?"

"Chemistry. Oh that means we might be in the same class? I have Mr Locksley" 

I checked my timetable to find we had the same teacher. I was slightly glad but if the whole roommate thing went wrong then it would get complicated.

"Same! Guess we're chemistry buddies. Anyway I should unpack." 

"Yes. Er sorry. This is your half of the room. There's two draws specifically for you in the bathroom and i left a shelf too. There's tea and coffee in the kitchen. I didn't know what you drunk so i brought both of them."

He's kind of sweet. A rambling idiot though. Stop it Emma. You're not here to make friends. He's your roommate. You can be civil. That's it. 

"You didn't have to do that but thank you" 

He smiled at me before sitting back on his bed and i turned around to unpack. A couple of hours and this place might even be a home.

"Oh and Swan?

"Yes Ho-Killian?" 

He made a small huff of smugness before raising his eyebrow.

"Welcome to Storybrooke"


	2. School Reunion

Hook's POV*

I watched the pretty blonde girl unpack. She wasn't what I expected but she was the perfect balance of brains and beauty and by the looks of it, seemed to have an artistic talent. All of her notebooks were hand drawn.

"Did you draw those?" 

"The books?" 

"Yeah, they're amazing" 

She looked at the books and then placed her head down as she blushed. 

"Thank you but they're just doodles." 

"If these are doodles then I would love to see what you can really do. Why didn't you take Art?" 

"I didn't take it because my GCSE cost me extra experience" 

I stand there puzzled. A bit confused and unsure as if she wants to reveal why. However I'm curious. So i ask.

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean i failed my Art GCSE and you needed at least a B in order to get onto the A-Level course i wanted to do. So instead i switched to my next favourite subject"

"Which is?" 

"Why Chemistry of course" 

She just got better and better. She was pretty, smart, and had a love for chemistry which honestly, is a lot harder to find in a girl than you might think.

"Hey Swan are you meeting your friends for lunch? Or do you want me to bring you back something?" 

She froze. I'm not sure why but something in her head ticked and then she replied. 

"Um no actually I'm not meeting any of my friends because I don't have any currently and I don't mind that. I'm not really hungry but thanks anyway"

How could she not have friends. I wonder if it's by choice or if she just doesn't get along with people. Either way, my friends would love her. 

"Why don't you come with me. For lunch?" 

She put the t-shirt that she had in her hand down and turned to me whilst raising her eyebrow. 

"Lunch?" 

This could go two ways. Think Killian think. 

"Yes. You know. Lunch. The social convention that usually occurs around midday and is shared by two or more parties. So Emma Swan . Come to lunch with me."

That wasn't exactly what I had in mind but it wasn't the worse thing that could have happened.

"I accept your invitation to the social convention known as...lunch" 

I smiled. Killian 1 , Emma Swan ...Work In Progress. I know it's bad to think of her that way but she doesn't seem to want to know me. Or anyone for that matter. 

"Oh by the way. My friend Ruby is having a party later. Do you want to come?" 

She looked at me. 

"A party. As in seven minutes of heaven, alcohol, your friends?" 

I laughed. 

"I wouldn't say 7 minutes happens every time. Only those who are lucky get to go in the closet with me" 

I raise my eyebrow and smirk at her. 

"Except unlike them, you haven't come out of the closet yet" 

Smooth Swan smooth. 

"I'm not gay Emma." 

"Then where's you girlfriend?" 

"I don't have one. I'm a free agent. Come as you go kind of bloke" 

She laughs at me before smiling sarcastically. 

"So you're a fuckboy?" 

"No..." 

"So you're a manwhore" 

Wtf? 

"No" 

She rolls her eyes.

"So what are you?"

I think carefully. My next move with either win or lose the match. Bingo! 

"I'm single, and enjoying it"

She raises her eyebrows before turning round and putting her bags under the bed.

"I can't" 

Huh? Emma. What are you on about? 

"Can't what?" 

"I can't come to the party tonight" 

Of course you can come. I want you to meet my friends. Plus you're hot.

"Why not?" 

"They're your friends and I don't want to intrude. " 

Never gonna happen Swan. 

"You won't be. They'll love you. Plus i get to take someone with me." 

I step closer to her. She tries to back away but her bed is in the way. 

"I- uh,can't" 

I get even closer. 

"Yes. You can. You can be my..." 

I smirk at her...and lean closer 

"Plus one" 

Then i walk away. Nicely done Killian . Nicely done. Tonight is going to be interesting.


	3. Chemistry

Emma's POV

What the actual fuck was that? He got so close to me, like incredibly close. I thought he was going to kiss me but instead he just walked away. 

I pulled out my books and looked at the pre lesson homework. Just basic revision but I didn't exactly want to do it alone. 

"Hook?" 

He walks out of the bathroom, god knows why he was in there so long and answers. 

"Yes?" 

"I was thinking, seen as we both have Chemistry, i have pre lesson homework as do you so I'm wondering if you maybe want to be ah, if-if you want to be study buddies?" 

That could have gone worse but considering what happened. It wasn't that bad.

"I would love to...you're pretty intelligent and it's rare to find a roomie who has a passion for chemistry but we certainly don't have that problem..."

I blush and smile at him. 

"Do you want to start now or do you want to wait until after the party, I don't mind either way?" 

He grabbed a pair of glasses and a notebook and turned to me with a grin on his face. 

"Now is perfect, although i do believe i planned on taking you for lunch"

"You planned on what?"

"Not like that Swan, I meant taking you out for lunch"

"Oh" 

"How about i buy you a drink instead tonight?" 

"It's a party, drinks are free." 

"Good point. Now chemistry?"

"Chemistry..."

A couple of hours later and we were still in chemistry mode, Killian was rambling on about some form of industrial process or what not but my thoughts were far from it. 

"You know it's rude to stare" 

I was staring? Oh. I guess i was. I didn't think he noticed.

"I noticed" 

Shit he heard that. How? Does he secret telepathy powers that I don't know about? Eh who cares. Actually i care. There are things in my head that no one needs to see.

"No I don't have telepathy powers. You just thought aloud. I wouldn't mind seeing the things in your head. "

"Oh. You're sweet but trust me Killian. If you saw the things in my head, you would want a new roommate...as well as therapy"

He smiled at me with kindness, no , confusion and looked at the clock. 

"Damnit Emma. We need to hurry and get ready. The party starts in 1hour" 

Oh right. The party. The one that Killian is making me go to...esssshhh.

"Killian, I really shouldn't go tonight." 

"I don't care what you should or shouldn't do. I want you to go so you're coming."

I laugh at him trying to keep my thoughts to myself. 

"Am i now?" 

I raise my eyebrow at him with a slight smirk on my face. 

"Really? Come on Swan" 

I laugh at him and pack up my revision/ work so i can get organised. 

"I'm going to get ready because apparently i have to hurry."

I kiss him on the cheek before bouncing off into the bathroom. I close the door and the minute i hear the lock click. I stop. 

I just kissed Killian on the cheek...

What was that Emma?! The plan was to NOT get attached to the extremely hot roommate. Wait what?! Emma stop. You know what happened last time. 

Maybe he's different 

No. He's not. The sooner you realise that, the better you will be. So put up your walls, have a shower, do what you need to do and go get dressed.

After 45 minutes, and realising that me and Killian only had 15 minutes to get to...Ruby's party. I think it's Ruby's. 

I decided to go for a long sleeved, tight black dress with a lacy V neck. It came to above my knees and hugged my curves in all the right places. 

As for makeup? I decided to go for a black smokey eye look with winged eyeliner and of course perfect eyebrows. I painted my lips a dark burgundy colour so they would stand out. 

Finally i decided to grab my black bag and matching shoes. They weren't too high a heel, but enough for me to be a similar height to Killian. 

I walked out of my room only to hear a glass shatter and see Killian looking at me with his mouth open. 

"Swan- you look-"

"I know" 

I smirked at him before he led us out of the dorm and towards his car. 

"Behold. The Jolly Roger" 

Seriously Killian. 

"You named your car? You really need a girlfriend..."

"You only have to ask Swan" 

He smirked at me before opening the car door. 

"Shall we?"

OMG GUYS IM SO SORRY. I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST BUT I FORGOT. ANYWAY. HERES A NEW CHAPTER. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK 


	4. Mr Brightside

Emma's POV*

We finally arrive at a house which I'm assuming belongs to Ruby, or Ruby's relatives. It's nice, quite large. Probably something like a manor or an estate. We walk inside and it's full of people, as well as noise and lights.

It was a lot to deal with so i just stood by the door way. Time passed and after deciding that the party wasn't for me i decided to go home. I turned to the door before being pulled back by someone and turning round to hit whoever it was. 

"Hey what the- Killian" 

"Swan. Where've you been. We've been hear nearly an hour and this is the first I've seen of you." 

"I'm just not a party person. Plus the only person i know here is you and you went off so i just left you to it"

"Yes i went off you idiot. To get you...this"

"A drink. I don't drink Killian. I don't do parties and I don't do guys"

"So you do girls?"

"Seriously, you're such a fuckboy"

He pinned her up against the doorway, drink in hand and placed them down. He used the force of his hips to hold her there and for a minute she looked at him in fear and panic, but when she realised he meant her no harm, she calmed down slightly but wondered about his next move. 

"You see Swan, I may be many things , a genius, a pirate , sometimes even a fantastic lover but the one thing i'm not..."

He leaned in closer to her until his face was just inches away from her before purring in her ear.

"Is a fuckboy..."

He pressed a kiss to her cheek and stepped away from her. She listened to him as he told her she was free to go if she wished or she could join him. Either way he made it clear that she was not being held against her will and could walk out that door if she really wanted to.

"Emma I know you're afraid, afraid to let anyone in those walls of yours, afraid to trust me but I can assure you.. .i'm not going to let you down and I will not hurt you."

She took a step closer to him and slid her hands up his chest and pulled him in to her. 

"Please don't think I don't trust you because I do, I'm just messed up Killian. You asked what was going on in my head and I just can't let you know that because you will just run for the hills and I really can't risk it. I know, I know that we've only known each other a day but we have to be roommates for the next 3 years and to share a dorm with someone when you can't trust or stand to be in the same room as them. Do you really want that?"

She looked up at him and gave him a warm smile to try and reassure him that she was fine. He glanced down at her with a look that meant 'are you sure?' and she simply pressed a kiss on his cheek. 

"Emma...I've never met anyone like you. You just walked into the dorm like you owned the place an then you were sassy to me and I just-"

She placed a finger on his lips to stop him.

"Stop. Don't say anymore. Now you listen to me. If you are about to tell me that you have feelings for me then stop because I can't do this. You are a hot, caring guy and I really do not want you to become me because I am fucked up. I don't want to hear any arguments from you because I am. You can never know why or how because I don't want you to become like me"

He went to say something but instead she stopped him once again.

"Don't. I appreciate you thinking I would enjoy tonight but I just don't do this. People and me do not mix well, so i'm going to go home..."

She turned from him and began to walk out of the door before he grabbed her arm and she turned back. 

"Emma please-"

She simply sent him a sympathetic smile before she pulled away her arm and walked away from Killian, leaving him once again alone in the doorway, never dropping his gaze from her ever fading figure.

I am sooo sorry guys, I have literally had so much college shit to sort out, but here's an update. I'm currently working on the next chapter...


	5. Army Of Ghosts

Emma's POV *

I could have let him kiss me, I could have kissed him back and maybe I wouldn't be walking home. I'd be in the car, with him. Happy. A smile plastered on my face and a returned grin from Killian. Instead i walked away. Into the cold. Into the dark and away from what could have been. 

The walk home was long, and cold, and harsh much like life itself. I had a chance and as usual i let it pass me by and waved at it. Maybe if i had gone home with him, I'd be in the warm right now with a nice hot chocolate and watching American Horror Story. Instead, I'm in a cold alleyway with tear filled eyes and red puffy stained cheeks. 

I can't imagine what he feels. Being left alone in a party. Actually i can. He probably just shrugged it off and went back into the centre of the party to find some plastic bimbo to mess around with that he will no doubt bring home and do god knows what to her.

Killian's POV*

I watched Emma walk away. Never taking my eyes off of her as her figure descended slowly into dark alley. I wanted to go after her but i know she wouldn't want me to. Even after her body shape and disappeared. I continued to watch the space where she once stood.

"Killian, where did your friend go?"

I turned around to see Ruby standing with her hands on her hips. Oh. I was supposed to introduce her to Emma. 

Emma...

"Comon, there's someone i want you to meet."

I followed Ruby back into the party. She brought me out into the garden where i saw someone standing, looking out. She was tall, with long dark brown hair that was naturally wavy. She was wearing leather trousers and a long leather jacket. She turned around and woah. All i had to say. 

"You must be Killian"

She smiled at me once she turned around. She really was hot. I stuck out my hand for her to shake. 

"Er yeah. That's me."

She giggled at my awkwardness and started playing with my hair. Hmm. Signature flirt move. 

"I'm Milah"

Emma's POV*

I was almost home when I decided to stop for a break. Why did i run? I could have had a great night, but no. As usual Miss Swan decides she wanted to run for the exit and not look back.

I decided to make the rest of the way home when i noticed someone following me. I began to pace quicker but not so quick that it was obvious for my follower to pick up on. 

Once i got round the corner i ran and hid down an alleyway. I carefully looked out from the wall and the follower was gone. 

I let out a sigh of relief before walking backwards and feeling a pair of hands grab my waist. I stopped. Realising my attacker had planned out his move and was now behind me. 

He pulled my hair to one side before lowering his lips to my ear and whispering. 

"Hello Emma...You and i are going to have a little fun" 

Once i knew who it was i tried to run but he grabbed me and put his hand around my mouth to stop me screaming. I tried to fight it but he became stronger with every move and eventually i gave up and the last thing i saw was him climbing on top of me before my world went black. 

Killian's POV*

I stayed with Milah for the rest of the party. She was hot. Not to mention exactly my type. I had planned on taking her home but unfortunately my morals...and Ruby got the better of me. 

"Jones go home" 

"What why? Ruby come on.."

"No. You haven't stopped thinking about your friend since she left so you obviously don't want Milah."

"Emma. My friends name is Emma"

"Then go home to Emma. "

"Ruby she doesn't want me there. She won't let me in and I'm not going to push her."

"Well I'm going to push you. So off you go and I'll see you and hopefully Emma tomorrow. "

Before i could argue i was out the house and the door was shut. She was right. As hot as Milah was. I wanted to make sure Emma was okay. 

I decided to go the short way home back to our dorm instead of driving because I'd drunk to much and I didn't want to accidentally kill someone. 

I cut through one of the alleyways that would bring me out to the college and as i got towards the end i saw a dark figure towering over what looked like a girl. 

"Hey!"

I shouted out to him but before i knew it he was getting off of the girl and running away. 

I rushed towards the girl on the floor, by the looks of it she wasn't okay. It wasn't until i got to her that i saw the oh so familiar features of my roommate. 

"Emma."

Her dress was ripped and she had bruises all over her as well as blood in her hair. I couldn't help but let a tear fall as i saw my roommate lying on the floor pale and lifeless.


	6. Deep Breath

Killian's POV*

I glanced at Emma. Who lay lifeless and cold on the ground. She had bruises all up her arms from where her attacker had grabbed her, a ripped dress and blood smeared between her legs from where he had clearly raped her.

"Emma.."

I called out to her. Hoping she would hear me. I checked her pulse. It wasn't completely gone but it was weaker than usual from where she was unconscious. 

"Swan! Emma! Come on. Get up Emma..."

I tried shaking her but nothing worked. She was out cold and who knew how long it would be before she came to. 

"Please.."

I chocked out a silent plea to my newly injured roommate. I couldn't drive her back to ours. That would be unsafe and she wasn't in a position where she would survive should we crash. 

I decided carrying her home was the safest option. I couldn't take her to the hospital because they would presume i did it. I just wanted her to wake up in her bed , warm, and with me right next to her. 

"Come along Swan, lets get you home" 

When we eventually got home i placed her on the bed and slowly undressed her. I had sobered up by this point, the pure shock of her looking like this snapping me out of whatever drunken haze i was in. 

She was beautiful, and i knew she wouldn't appreciate me cutting her out of the dress because it was a really nice dress but it had to be done. She needed to be cleaned up. 

"I'm sorry Emma. I should have followed you." 

I grabbed a packet of wet wipes from her drawer in the bathroom. She was a woman so i knew she would have some. It's like an always carry thing. Girls always have some sort of wipe on them. 

I wiped down her arms and legs first. Making sure all the dirt and blood was gone from her skin. She would have clear hand marks for a while but eventually they would fade. I turned her arms so her wrists were facing up and stopped. Shocked at what i saw. 

How could somebody hurt such a beautiful, caring girl. She was funny and sweet and i guess her attacker didn't think of that before he punched up her arms to cause them to be a mix of reds, blues and purple. 

Once her limbs were clean i knew i would have to remove her underwear . I didn't exactly want to because i knew she would hate me for it but I couldn't leave her like that. Not with blood down her thighs. No one should have to wake up like that. Once i cleaned her up i put a fresh pair of bra and pants on her so she would feel slightly better when she woke. 

She wouldn't be leaping for joy, far from it but at least by looking presentable she might not feel so defiled. 

I brushed her long golden locks and placed it in a simple plait before putting one of my shirts on her and tucking her into her bed. 

I tried sleeping in my bed but i felt to far away. I wanted to protect her, even though she wasn't my girlfriend or anything. I felt this kind of urge. Love? No. Lust? Definitely not. I just wanted her to be safe. 

I climbed in next to her so that when she woke she would be in my arms, safe, protected , where no one could hurt her. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. Not for her comfort but for mine. I needed to be reassured that in time, she would be okay. When i was sure no one could hurt her. I fell asleep with my arms wrapped around her waist and my face tucked into her hair 

Emma's POV*

As i came to i felt his hands roaming down my body. My head ached with pain and my body was pressed hard against the concrete floor. 

"Who's a pretty girl then" 

He pinned me to the ground by his hips and held my hands above my head. Slowly pressing hard kisses down my neck, each one leaving a dark mark. 

"Please..."

He placed a finger on my lips and dragged it down my body, stopping when he reached my dress. He stroked his finger against my thighs and up towards my stomach. Repeating the action over and over again. 

"Killian..."

He stopped and pressed a kiss to my lips. 

" Awe princess. You really think he's going to save you? He paid me to do this. To make you mine. "

I stopped and looked at him. Killian wouldn't do that. He wasn't that kind of guy. 

"Oh but he is. I know what you're thinking. He wouldn't do this to me. He loves me."

"He doesn't love me."

Killian doesn't love me. He doesn't care about me. He just left me to go home in the cold. Leaving me to be branded as someone else's. 

"Now now princess. Why don't you be a good little girl and shut the fuck up." 

I went to snap but before i could i felt him thrust into me with brutal force. I screamed out in pain. 

"What did I tell you? Shhhh"

He slapped me and grabbed me harder as he continued to thrust into me. Each time getting harder and hurting more. Before long i was bleeding and bruised, my head aching more and more. Slowly pulling me into the darkness. 

"Say my name if you want me to stop"

"Please, stop"

I could feel the pull getting stronger by the second. With each breath my eyelids got heavier. 

"Jefferson...please" 

Finally I couldn't take it. I let the darkness consume me and prepared myself to let go...

Woooo two updates in one day. Okay so this story explores dark themes and i hope you like it. Does anyone actually read this? 


	7. Collapse

Emma's POV*

His hands roamed around my body, smoothing over every bump, every rough patch and each time leaving a bruise. 

"Emma..."

His breath danced across my neck, his lips placing sloppy rough kisses all over me. His hand forcefully pushed my dress up, ripping it when it wouldn't go anymore.

"Killian..."

He placed a kiss on my lips before growling in my ear.

"Hear that princess...No one's coming for you " 

I begged and pleaded for him to stop, tears falling down my cheeks with each word. 

"Not even your precious Killian" 

"Please..."

He unzipped his trousers and grabbed onto my hips. 

"Remember, he paid me to do this..."

He smiled at me with a dark grin before forcing himself into me. 

"STOP!"

I sat up in the bed, drenched in sweat and tears and began to panic. What the hell?! How did i get back in the dorm?! These aren't my clothes, what the fuck?!

"Shhhh Emma. It's okay.."

I felt a strong pair of arms wrap themselves around me and pull me close. I recognised the scent instantly. 

Killian. 

"Get off me!" 

I pushed him off of me and jumped out of the bed backing myself up to the wall. 

"You stay the hell away from me!"

He got off of the floor and looked at me startled and confused. 

"Swan, I'm not going to hurt you" 

I looked at him and laughed. 

"You might not but that's not going to stop you from paying someone else to do it." 

He took a step forward , holding his hands out to ease me. 

"Swan. I know you're frightened but you're okay. Everything's going to be okay." 

I backed up before whacking my arm on the wall and crying out in pain. 

"Ah!"

I glanced down to my arms and saw them covered in blue and purple bruises. Marks from where i had been grabbed. 

"Why did you do this?"

He looked at me confused once more before taking a couple more steps forward. 

"Swan. I don't understand"

I glanced down to my legs to see they were the same as my arms. That's when i began to feel my injuries instead of just seeing them. 

"Why, why did you hurt me?"

He stopped. 

"Hurt you? Swan i found you."

He took two more steps forward and placed both his arms onto the wall. Blocking me in. 

"N-n-no. Y-you hurt me. Yo-you paid. Him. You paid him to hur-hurt me. To-to..."

All of the memories and emotions from last night came rushing back. The terror, the lust in his eyes and the cold emptiness behind them. The feeling of his touch. 

"To rape me..."

I chocked out the last sentence before feeling Killian wrap his arms around me. 

I pushed him away and began hitting him on his chest with all the force i had. 

"NO! GET OFF OF ME! YOU DID THIS! Y-YOU HURT ME! YOU-"

My legs gave way from my body being weak and i collapsed into him. Sobbing into his shoulder as he brought me into his arms and rocked me slowly. He brought me to the floor and just held me. 

I gripped onto his shirt and pulled him closer. I felt safe here. I couldn't control my tears so I just sat there for hours on end letting him hold me and soothe me. 

"It's okay Swan. No one's going to hurt you. Not now. Not ever."

He stroked my hair and rubbed my back gently. Sure not to hurt me. 

"I'm not letting you go" 

Killian's POV*

I was confused as to why she thought i was the one who hurt her in that alley that night. I do stupid things when I've drunk but that...is not one of them.

I stayed sitting on the floor with her for another couple of hours. Just letting her cry. I tried to get her to eat but she wasn't having any of it. 

Eventually she got up, excused herself to the bathroom and when she came out it was almost like she completely changed. She was cold and distant. Like all the sass, the warmth, the life...had just been ripped out of her. 

She went on her laptop and claimed she needed to study for the rest of the day so i left her to it. I understood she needed her space. I just sat on my bed doing the pre lesson homework.

Emma's POV*

Blanking him and ignoring his existence really was the best option for all of this. He didn't need to be messed up. Not by someone who couldn't even protect herself. 

I decided to make a new Instagram called DarkSwan and followed a load of accounts that dealt with topics such as depression, anxiety and rape. Full of people in my situation. 

I stayed on there for a couple of hours, reading peoples stories. Talking to people and relating when I suddenly got a direct message. Usually i only spoke to people through comments but this person. Whoever they may be. Decided to message me directly. I clicked accept to the request and glanced upon a the message below. 

DarkLiner: Hi


	8. DarkLiner

Emma's POV*

DarkLiner: Hi

What the hell? Someone noticed my account? I haven't posted anything. I decided to reply, making a new friend wouldn't hurt...

DarkSwan: Hello

DarkLiner: I've been following your conversations with people for a while so i thought i would introduce myself.

DarkSwan:Well consider yourself introduced.

DarkLiner: Well not formally, I'm Regina Mills.

Mills , where do i know that name? I glanced over to Killian who was reading and heckled him. 

"Hey Jones, does the name Regina Mills mean anything to you?" 

He looked up from his book and glanced at me. 

"Oh so now you're talking to me?"

I was not in the mood for this. 

"Just shut up and answer the question"

He rolled his eyes at me before putting down his book and sitting up. 

"Umm, no. Why?" 

Damnit. I ignored Killian and went back to my computer. 

DarkSwan: Nice to meet you Regina. I'm Emma, Emma Swan.

DarkLiner: Miss Swan...i like that.

Miss Swan? What was this, fifty shades of grey? I decided to ignore the remark and carried on typing. 

DarkSwan: So what made you want to talk...to me?

DarkLiner: Well i noticed you were new online so i began following you...

DarkSwan: The last time someone followed me it didn't end well

DarkLiner: Why, did they spam you?

DarkSwan: No, they raped me

and left me unconscious on the floor.

DarkLiner: Oh, I'm so sorry. If i had known I wouldn't have asked.

DarkSwan: It's fine, you didn't

know and I don't need your pity.

DarkLiner: Then you won't get any.

Do you have anyone to support you?

DarkSwan: Support me?

No, I don't need support. The only one who saves me is me. Or my roommate but that was one time.

DarkLiner: Why don't you talk to him?

Him? I never mentioned the gender...

DarkSwan: He wouldn't understand.

Plus he doesn't need my problems making him fucked up.

DarkLiner: Miss Swan you may be surprised. Sometimes people go through more than we might think.

What the fuck? I'm sorry but what is up with Creepy McMills?

DarkLiner: Well I'm sure he did but that's none of my business. It was nice talking to you Regina.

I turned off my laptop and got under my covers to go to sleep. Killian was already asleep by now so there was no point in me being alone. 

I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off. Day 2 Post- Rape and classes were here. Joys. I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to make a hot chocolate. The secret was to add a dash of cinnamon. Not a lot of people would get that. 

"Ahh so look who's decided to once again join the real world." 

Great...A smug roommate with a smirk on his face is just what i need. 

"Ahhh look who's decided to once again be a pain in my ass" 

I watched his smirk fade and i felt one crawl across my face. See, two can play at that game... 

"You know Swan. You could always try and be a bit more inviting."

"Why would i need to invite you, you live here." 

I sipped my hot chocolate and looked up at him. Waiting for his response. 

"I'm just saying the sarcasm isn't appreciated."

I could see him getting more frustrated as this conversation went on.

"Neither is the pain in the ass currently talking but you're still here." 

I saw the sass in his eyes flare and turn dark into anger. Uh oh. Bad move Emma. 

"You know I'm beginning to see why you don't have many friends. I'm trying to be nice to you but you just keep shoving it in my face. It's ridiculous. You just push people away when all they want to do is be there for you."

"What the fuck did you just say to me, i told you that I don't make friends. I don't want to because I'm better off alone" 

"Alone? Yeah because that ended so well for you last time..."

I stood there silently. 

"No wonder you got raped." 

I looked up at him and could see he instantly regretted what he said. I placed my cup on the counter and went to walk away. 

"Emma...I-"

He grabbed my wrist to stop me so i turned around and slapped him across his face.

"Don't fucking touch me."

I grabbed some clothes and stormed off into the bathroom and locked the door. I slid down the door and began to cry into my knees thinking about what he said. 

Killian's POV*

Emma came out of the bathroom about an hour later dressed and ready for class. I needed to talk to her. I didn't mean what i said. I was just- no. There isn't an excuse. What i said was out of line but she needs to know how sorry i am. 

"Emma we need to talk" 

She grabbed her stuff and began to walk towards the door. 

"No, we really don't. You made it quite clear how you felt. I'm going to class."

"Fine I'll walk you."

I jumped in front of her so she would stop and listen to me.

"You will not do anything. Just leave me the fuck alone." 

She tried to push past me but i didn't move, which resulted in her bag dropping and a small pouch dropping out. She quickly grabbed it and shoved it back in her bag. 

"What's that?"

"Nothing."

"Well then tell me what it is."

"Fine. It's none of your business. Happy now?"

I didn't reply and she barged past me again so i grabbed her and pinned her against the wall. She looked at me in fear and horror. 

"Please...don't hurt me." 

Hurt her? I weren't going to-it doesn't matter. I needed to show her i cared. 

"Emma. Don't do this. Not alone" 

She smiled at me before leaning in towards me. I could feel her warm breath on my skin, her face inches away from mine. Just as our lips were about to touch she kneed me and pushed me into the counter. 

"Fuck you..."

She grabbed her stuff and ran down the corridor to her lesson leaving me alone to wonder how 3 days could turn the once sassy, bubbly roommate i had into a cold hearted bitch.


	9. Cold

Emma's POV*

After playing Killian i stormed off. Fuck going to class straight away. I needed coffee, or alcohol...just something.

I had my earphones in and i was too angry to look around so i ended up knocking someone over and sending both of us flying. 

"Oh great..."

I couldn't see much because everything was spinning but i heard a female voice yell at me. 

"Fuck sake. Do you not watch where you're going?! Did your parents not teach you how to walk properly?" 

That's it. The bitch is getting it. I was planning on apologising but she can fuck right off.

"Actually no they didn't because they're dead. So excuse me , Your Majesty but I really don't have time to waste on those who think they're higher than others." 

I walked off leaving the raven haired bitch startled. With any luck she'll snap one of her high heels and break her neck. 

I walked to Starbucks and ordered a large pumpkin spiced latte. I was adding cinnamon to the latte when i heard someone behind me. 

"With a figure like yours, is it really wise to be drinking a latte?" 

I placed the cinnamon shaker down and turned around. It was the raven bitch from before. 

"Why don't you keep your opinions to yourself or even better , your mouth shut." 

"This is coming from the blonde who can't even walk properly...i wonder. What would your parents think" 

"That's it bitch." 

I grabbed her drink and poured it over her before throwing her to the ground. 

"I warned you, and you should have listened" 

I walked away from her grabbing my drink before hearing her chirp up once more and i turned around. 

"So now you're going to what- lecture me some more, throw a muffin at me?" 

"Shut up. You don't know me." 

I rolled my eyes as i watched her get up and fix herself. 

"What a waste of a life. Maybe you should end it like your parents did." 

I slammed my drink down before tackling her the ground and ripping her hair out, scratching her getting more angry with each punch. 

She was quickly becoming bruised and battered and just as i went to slam her head on the ground i felt someone pull me off her. 

"Swan! That's enough."

He glanced at the woman with a flash of dare i say concern. I struggled in his grip as he grabbed my latte and dragged me out of the store before throwing me out towards a wall. 

"What the hell was that Emma?!" 

"Oh so I'm Emma now? No Swan?!" 

"What the hell happened to you. That poor innocent woman is lying on the floor because you beat the shit out of her." 

"Oh p-lease. She's no more innocent then you are." 

He stepped back from me. 

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Did you think your little damsel in distress act would work. That you would be my knight in shining armour by rescuing me?! What the hell are you doing here anyway?!" 

"I came because i wanted to apologise. That's what I've been trying to do all fucking day. You're just being a bitch." 

"First of all, I'm being a bitch because of you. Secondly, how did you even know I'd be in Starbucks. " 

"You think you being my roommate I wouldn't notice the amount of pumpkin spiced lattes you brought home in 3 days?" 

"You're hilarious, as if you would notice that..." 

"Okay well how's this. Every morning after you wake up you make a hot chocolate with cinnamon before getting dressed. Then once you're dressed you walk to Starbucks and order a large pumpkin spiced latte with cream and add a dash of cinnamon on top. Then you come home, read a book, do some pre lesson homework and disappear into the bathroom for 30 minutes. God knows why. Then you come out, get dressed and go for a run. All before 9am. So tell me Emma Swan about how I don't notice." 

Killian's POV*

She stood there speechless with her mouth open slightly. She pushed herself off of the wall before taking a step forward. 

"I- never realised you noticed me." 

I tucked the loose strand of hair behind her ear before brushing my hand across her cheek. 

"You might think that you're not worth much to anyone, you can hide from yourself, from your family, from that woman you left on the floor but not from me Emma." 

I pulled her into my arms and looked into her bright green eyes. 

"I see you. "

She wiped away a few tears from her eyes before smiling and leaning in towards me. I really hope this wasn't going to end up like last time because that was painful. 

She brushed her nose against mine before being millimetres apart from my lips to the point where I could feel them. I went to close the gap before she pulled away and backed away from me shaking her head. 

"I can't - I'm sorry."

"Emma, you can trust me." 

"No no no, I can't do this. Not after everything. Keep the latte. I've got to go." 

Before i could get another word in she ran off down the road. 

I looked down at the latte and at the running girl before sighing and taking a sip. I smiled because she found a way to get me to drink it. 

I looked up to find no shadow of her so I turned back and walked off towards the dorm. Waiting for her to come back. 


	10. Scared

Killian's POV*

When i went to sleep it was about midnight and Emma still hadn't come home. I was beginning to get worried but I figured she was able to take care of herself...

That was until she didn't come home the next day and then one day turned into two, which turned into three. I tried calling her but she must have had her phone turned off or on do not disturb. 

"Hey this is Emma, Leave a message" 

"Swan it's Killian. This is probably your 400th message for me but where are you?! You've been gone three days. Are you okay? Are you safe? Just pick up once, or send a text or something!"

I placed my phone down on the side and got ready for class. I didn't expect her to call or text, she's probably busy. I just wanted to know she was okay. I had a latte set out for her each day but she didn't come home...so I usually ended up drinking it. Not that I'm complaining. 

The routine was simple. I'd get up, go to class, get a latte, wait. Make dinner, drink the latte , wait. Plus there was the 100 odd phonecalls she would get from me. Then I'd go to sleep. 

It was odd not having her around, her teachers understood why and i made sure there was work set aside for her. 

I just missed her and I couldn't help but worry that she'd been kidnapped or worse...killed. 

By the time day 7 has arrived I literally wanted to kill myself. All of this was my fault. If I hadn't told her to go to that stupid party then she wouldn't have gone home alone and ultimately she wouldn't have been raped. 

I decided to order a chinese, big enough for two just incase and i got a bit of everything. I was just about to turn Netflix on when the door swung open , making me jump and causing me to drop the remote. 

"Killiannnn I'm baccckk!" 

Emma. I put the food down and bolted off of the sofa to grab her. I wrapped my arms around her, engulfing her in a massive hug, the force of my body knocking her over slightly. 

"Ooof. Someones happy to see mee" 

I pressed her closer to me, one hand on her head and the other firmly wrapped around her torso. I stayed there for a few minutes before pulling back and shaking her. 

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!" 

"Killy calm downn. I was stayingg with my ex"

"What's his name Emma?"

"His name is Grahammm and he's the sheriff."

"Wait wait wait. Your ex is Sheriff Graham?!" 

She nods playfully. Something's not quite right here. 

"Em, why didn't you answer my calls."

"I was busyy. You knoww clubbing and sex on the beach. The question is do i only mean the cocktail?" 

She winks at me before walking into the kitchen leaving me standing there with a dry mouth. 

"OH MY GOD. IS THAT CHINESE?!" 

She runs towards the food and grabs some spring rolls. 

"Yasssss duck spring rolls."

Somethings off. She's too perky. 

"Emm-"

"Do you ever realise that somewhere out there, there's a duck that doesn't realise he's going to end up as a spring roll. Whilst I'm sat on the counter eating his friend. Quack quack." 

I bit my lip not to laugh before watching her walk to her bag and observing her as she downed an entire bottle of vodka. 

Alcohol. That's why she's off. 

"Swan?" 

"Yes Killybear.?"

Oh good god. Please don't remember that name tomorrow. 

"Are you drunk?..."

"Yes but you mustn't tell Killian."

She began to sob silently so i brought her to my bed and sat her down. 

"Why can't you tell Killian?"

She looked at me before sniffling a couple more times. 

"Because Killy will get mad at me and be disappointed. He's not going to be happy with me..."

I began to grow concerned at her ramblings so I decided to push further. 

"Love what did you do?" 

She sighed before crying. 

"I slept with Graham." 

Youch. That hurt. A lot. Like fuck. Why am I feeling this way. She's not my girlfriend but i want to kill Graham for putting his fucking hand on MY swan. 

"So why will Killy be mad?"

Oh god. Now I'm calling myself Killy. 

"He'll be mad because I've done nothing but get drunk, get high and get fucked. The worse part is i really like him. Like i want to be with him but there's things. Things he doesn't know. Thinks he can't know. I just don't want to hurt him like i do myself." 

I brought her in to my body and let her cry onto me. I didn't know she liked me but i was concerned about what she said. 

"Emma, what do you mean hurt yourself?" 

She went silent and looked up at me. 

"Nothing. Just forget i said anything. Promise me you won't tell Killy? I just don't want to see the disappointment in his eyes." 

"Emma...I "

I didn't know what to say so i just smiled and sat there. 

"Will you stay with me tonight? Please?"

"Emma we're in the same room."

"I know. I'm just, I'm scared that if I'm alone he's going to come back for me"

"Who?"

"Jefferson."

Oh. 

"You're having nightmares aren't you?"

She nodded softly before sniffing and wiping her tears. 

"Everytime i close my eyes he's there, touching me, hurting me and telling me it was all down to you."

"Shhhhhh Swan. Shh. Let's go to sleep. Come on lye down" 

I walk over to her bed and bring her pillows over. She undresses until she's in her underwear and i remove my clothes. Leaving me in my boxers before climbing into bed. 

I lye down flat and she rests her head on my shoulder with her hand on my chest. She continues to cry for a while so i just hold her tight and rub smooth circles up and down her back.

Soon her breathes become slower and we both begin to drift off but before i fall asleep I'm certain i hear a faint "I need you" coming from her.


	11. Time

Emma's POV*

I woke up with arms wrapped around my waste tightly and groaned at the growing ache in my head. How much did i drink last night? Also since when did Graham get so cuddly. I turned over to see Killian and jumped back slightly. 

"What the fuck?" 

I look around the room and see that I'm no longer at Graham's but back in the Dorm i share with Killian. I sigh realising i came back last night before getting a slight scent of food and walking over to the counter to find Chinese leftovers. 

"Chinese? Nice!" 

I laugh slightly before hearing Killian grumble and i run to put on his shirt so I'm covered up before turning to make coffee. I feel arms wrap around my waist and kisses being planted on my neck so i push him back. 

"What are you doing?!"

He stumbles backwards with a confused expression before scratching the back of his neck. 

"I thought..."

"Yeah well you thought wrong. Don't ever do that again."

"Swan-"

"Don't Swan me...just don't do it again okay?"

He nods before grabbing a coffee and following me back to where the beds are. I sat down on my bed with my legs crossed and took a sip of my drink. He does the same and we sit in silence before I finally start speaking. 

"I have questions."

He places his coffee down on the side and looks at me. 

"Such as?"

"Last night. What happened" 

He ruffles his hair before speaking 

"Well last night i ordered Chinese and decided to watch Netflix, giving up hope you were coming back seen as it was day 7 of you being gone when you stumbled through the door dru-"

He pauses and points to my attire. 

"Is that my shirt?"

"Um. Maybe?"

He nods his head and tries to keep his attention from looking at me in his shirt and continues. 

"Well anyway. Last night you came through the door drunk off your ass. I'm pretty sure you might have been high too. Made a couple of jokes about the duck spring rolls you're currently eating"

I look at the spring roll in my hand that I'm currently taking a bite out of before looking at him. 

"Which by the way were quite hard to not laugh at. Especially since you were joking about dead ducks"

I start to giggle before getting a glare off Killian and i go back to eating.

"Then you just said a couple of things."

"Such as?"

Shit. Please tell me I didn't mention Graham. Ohhh I'm fucked if i did.

"You mentioned that you slept with Graham and that the same Graham just so happens to be THE Sheriff Graham"

"Oh. Yeah, um. He's kind of my ex / current boyfriend." 

He shakes his head confused. 

"How can someone be your ex whilst being your boyfriend" 

"Ehhh it's complicated." 

Ohhh Emma complicated is not the word and you know it. 

"Oh. Okay then" 

He slumps slightly but tries to hide it. I cough before asking him the one thing i needed answering.

"Did er- Did we..."

I sigh and roll my eyes. He finishes the sentence for me. 

"Did we sleep together?"

I nod before putting my head down.

"No. We didn't have sex."

"We didn't?! Then why am i in my underwear and you in your boxers? And why did I wake up in your bed?"

He laughs slightly

"I can assure you that the only reason you were in my bed was because you asked me to stay with you due to your nightmares."

"I told you about that huh."

"Yes. Why didn't you tell me sooner. I mean you told Regin-" 

He places his hands over his mouth to stop himself from saying the rest of the sentence. 

"Regina?" 

Regina? Where do i know that name...then it hits me. 

"YOU WENT THROUGH MY INSTAGRAM?!" 

He jumps up in defence and holds his hands up. 

"It was open and i was worried about you. I thought you might have posted something as to where you were. How was i supposed to know about your secret account?!"

I stop yelling at him.

"Wait. How much did you read?!"

He puts his head down before looking away from me.

"You know I should get ready. I have class later today."

He goes to walk away from me but i stop him by placing my hands on his chest. 

"Killian. How much did you read?!" 

"All of it! I know everything Emma." 

I step back before running to the bathroom and sliding down the door in tears. 

I see his shadow through the glass and see him sit on the other side the same way i am. 

"Swan...why didn't you tell me? I can help." 

I sink my head into my legs and begin to sob. 

"I understand you know. Why you do it. I'm not judging you Swan. I just want to help but I know you feel like you don't need it so when you feel like talking I'll be there with a pumpkin spice latte ready and waiting. "

I laugh slightly before realising that maybe it might help , maybe he...could help.


	12. Explanation

Emma's POV*

After a while of me sitting on with floor with my back against the cold glass crying my eyes out , i decided it was time to leave and give Killian the answers he deserved. I stood up and wiped my tears away before hearing the click of the door and opening it to find Killian falling as it opened. 

"Killian" 

He stood up and looked at me. His cheeks looked damp and slightly red. Had he been crying? 

"Emma" 

I walked past him and sat down on my bed with my legs crossed. 

"So , I'm guessing you have a lot of questions and i figured i could tell you some stuff." 

He sat down and scratched the back of his ear. 

"You're nervous.."

He looked up at me before placing his hand back down and looking at me. 

"Yeah, i guess. So you've noticed i do that then." 

"Yeah, you scratch behind your ear when you're nervous about something." 

He sighed before placing his head in his hands. 

"Emma why did you leave?"

"I needed to clear my head and get away from everything-"

"- So what , that includes jumping into bed with the Sheriff?!" 

I went to shout at him before realising he had a right to be angry. I just left after a fight and after the party. After that happened, then i probably should have told him before i ran. 

"The sheriff...Graham was there for me when i needed him. He knows me. Really well. We've grown up together and that's kind of how we got together but then stuff happened and we broke up."

"That doesn't explain why you just ran off and slept with him." 

"I slept with him because i was drunk and high and i couldn't think straight. I just needed to feel something and i knew Graham could do that for me. He always has." 

"So you used him for sex. You realise how bad that is." 

"At first i did yeah, but that second night i realised that i missed him, and what he could make me feel." 

"In other words you missed what his dick could do to you" 

"Killian please. Instead of lecturing me could you please listen to me. I'm trying not to shout back at you but you're making it really hard." 

He looks down and shakes his head slightly. 

"I'm sorry Emma. I just. I care about you a lot. You were gone for a week and you wouldn't answer my calls, texts, nothing. Anything could have happened to you. What if you got kidnapped or murdered or..."

"Raped?"

He looks at her with a sad expression before moving over to her bed and sitting at the end of it facing her. 

"Look I'm not expecting you to tell me where you are 24/7 but just tell me when you're staying at Graham's or you're out because i worry about you" 

"I know. I'm sorry."


End file.
